It's when you will wake up (God- willing) and you have to do something just because it is already part of your system. But deep inside, you feel empty. You are not enthusiastic about everything. You just want the day to end well but in reality, you know it will not be well simply because you are not well. Not because you are physically sick but you are emotionally sick and tired--- of doing the same things over and over.
I have a normal full-time job in an exciting environment (I suppose.). This job had been my dream job when I was young. I remember when I was in my childhood days, I used to play "teacher-teacheran" with my friends. I played the role of the teacher most of the time. I enjoyed teaching my playmates of lessons I knew they were taking up in their school. Because of this, I believe that I want to become a real teacher someday. And finally, I am now a professional teacher. So what's wrong with that?
I have been teaching for almost 2 years. During my first semester, I always came to school with zest. Ganado lagi. I didn't allow myself to enter the classroom without preparation. I always think of activities which will not bore my students, and me, too. I provided them with handouts which are self-made. I even gave them supplementary materials to help them better understand the lesson. That was before.
When something is new, we become excited and that's normal. But all new get old eventually.
I don't complain seriously. I actually feel blessed because God has been with me in dreaming and in making my dreams come true. It's just that I don't feel that thing other people say about their careers like they are “living the dream”, “being at home”, “following their hearts”, “loving their jobs”, “not working because they love what they do” and so on. I think that thing is called passion and I think I don’t have it ANYMORE.
I'd like to think I am enjoying what is happening at the moment. Yes, I've got a good career, a loving family, a very supportive and wacky set of friends and an all-in-one boyfriend. However a void remains. I don’t feel any passion for anything in particular. I know that it isn’t something you feel all times but you certainly feel it sometimes. I've read it feels like a runner’s high. I’ve read that the time literally stops- that everything becomes a blur because of the attention one gives to something he/she is passionate about. Sir Ken Robinson, an educationalist, calls it being in “the zone” and finding your “element”. I wish I could feel that.
I started to think I may never find it and it makes me feel blah. I’m not depressed but I feel disappointed finding a new deception in my life, like when I found out Santa and Prince Charming only lived in my expectations. It feels like passion is yet another myth and if it turns out to be a myth it would be the cruelest one.
I have a normal full-time job in an exciting environment (I suppose.). This job had been my dream job when I was young. I remember when I was in my childhood days, I used to play "teacher-teacheran" with my friends. I played the role of the teacher most of the time. I enjoyed teaching my playmates of lessons I knew they were taking up in their school. Because of this, I believe that I want to become a real teacher someday. And finally, I am now a professional teacher. So what's wrong with that?
I have been teaching for almost 2 years. During my first semester, I always came to school with zest. Ganado lagi. I didn't allow myself to enter the classroom without preparation. I always think of activities which will not bore my students, and me, too. I provided them with handouts which are self-made. I even gave them supplementary materials to help them better understand the lesson. That was before.
When something is new, we become excited and that's normal. But all new get old eventually.
I don't complain seriously. I actually feel blessed because God has been with me in dreaming and in making my dreams come true. It's just that I don't feel that thing other people say about their careers like they are “living the dream”, “being at home”, “following their hearts”, “loving their jobs”, “not working because they love what they do” and so on. I think that thing is called passion and I think I don’t have it ANYMORE.
I'd like to think I am enjoying what is happening at the moment. Yes, I've got a good career, a loving family, a very supportive and wacky set of friends and an all-in-one boyfriend. However a void remains. I don’t feel any passion for anything in particular. I know that it isn’t something you feel all times but you certainly feel it sometimes. I've read it feels like a runner’s high. I’ve read that the time literally stops- that everything becomes a blur because of the attention one gives to something he/she is passionate about. Sir Ken Robinson, an educationalist, calls it being in “the zone” and finding your “element”. I wish I could feel that.
I started to think I may never find it and it makes me feel blah. I’m not depressed but I feel disappointed finding a new deception in my life, like when I found out Santa and Prince Charming only lived in my expectations. It feels like passion is yet another myth and if it turns out to be a myth it would be the cruelest one.
I don’t want to give up on hope about this one though. Steve Jobs said that one should keep looking for it. And I must admit it’s becoming the last piece of hope I’m grabbing to about giving life a meaning or at least fighting for a meaningful job.
As for now, I feel this is just the first step toward renewal of passion- by admitting that you are passionless. Whatever next step I'm going to take is I don't know and am not sure of yet. But I am confident that I have a very bright future ahead of me for God says in His Word: I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. I'll rest on that wonderful promise hoping that someday, passion is waiting for me to grab it.
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